Healing Trauma with ReikiApr 24, 2023
When I think about my childhood, I picture myself as a little girl running around my wide open backyard chasing white butterflies 🦋 and giggling at the faerie energy 🧚🏼♂️ swirling 🌀 around me. My cheeks are rosy red 😚 from the sun and sprinting up and down the hill that swept across the side of my house. My imagination, a boundless orb of ideas 🌌, created fantastical, storybook games 📚 that I played with my older brother and sister. I was always eagerly waiting on the edge of my seat for my next, spotlight stage moment 🔦, which was anytime my family let me entertain them with one of my dances 🕺 or from my little girl perspective, my most divine masterpieces 👏.
When I first dug into my inner child work 👼🏼, this is exactly what I recalled from my memory bank: pure happiness😍, nurturing love💕 and the most blissful experiences🤩. Yet, I was learning that we experience our deepest traumas as kids. Trauma from running around with white butterflies? I think the whole childhood trauma skipped me 😏.
As I continued with curiosity on my healing journey, I realized how my avoidant tendency to be a hopeful optimistic 🤭 actually clouded a lot of undigested pain, grief 😔 and shame that was living in my body. While I wanted to believe this pain presented itself to me once and then was healed, if you are committed to your healing journey, you realize the pain is revealed in layers 😖.
My first layer of discovery occurred with my body shouting from IBS symptoms and amenorrhea (lack of menses). I could no longer live in the fantasy world of partying 🤡 and sleeping less than 5 hours a night and was faced with the reality that my body needed to heal 👐🏼. I changed my lifestyle completely and healed a lot of my IBS symptoms with Ayurveda and Yoga 🧘🏼♀️ but could not receive my period. I tried every diet, herbal formula and lifestyle practice known to man, and it didn't come. Then, the day after my Reiki II activation when I was receiving my certification, I got my period ♥️. This sparked a massive revelation that magic🎩 was indeed real and reignited the little girl in me that loved to play with it 🤾🏼♀️. The fact that an unseen energy source like Reiki had the power to break through energetic blockages and heal my body completely mystified me 🦄. I was only able to receive this magical energy ✨, because I had also started to witness some of the shame I had been burying deep within my body. Specifically, I was releasing a lot of guilt and shame for putting myself over others, for even being interested in spirituality and trusting my intuitive gifts as a healer 👸🏼. Ahhh to be a young, innocent healer again! My shame looks so cute from this perspective 😊.
While I definitely related the cause of my body's imbalances from my 'then' lifestyle and aforementioned stories related to shame, I realized later on my healing journey, that it actually goes a lot deeper ⬇️. No doubt I needed to change my diet 🍎 and lifestyle 🏃♀️ as my body responded well when I did with a regular period and healthy digestion. No doubt I needed to start putting myself first and trust and share my intuitive gifts with others 🎁, just as my little girl loved to put on performances using her brightest talents ⭐️. But, as I sit here typing this blog, I currently have the most balanced diet and lifestyle I have ever embodied in my life and have been joyfully sharing my intuitive gifts with my community for the past decade. Yet, I currently am experiencing the symptoms of IBS and amenorrhea again 😞.
Now, let me tell you the shame that has come from even first admitting to myself that my symptoms have appeared again. I had to and am still tending to this puritanical identity of being 'totally healed' and living in a dimension of black 🖤 or white ⚪️, right ✅ or wrong 🙅🏼♀️. But what I have learned from this deep wisdom in my body is that there is a deeper layer waiting to be unveiled . Ahhh patience is a virtue! And guess what, you bet it has to do with trauma from childhood, but this is where the plot gets really good.
Due to the years of deepening my connection with my guides 😇 and spirit through my training and experience as an intuitive healer, I receive very clear messages whenever I ask for their support. So I picked up my psychic phone ☎️ and asked my guides to show me what was up. What I received in a ribboned box 🎁 was my deepest childhood trauma I had avoided for over 20 plus years. Oh my goshhh, guides.... you shouldn't have 🤭!!
The pain, grief and shame was unbearable. I felt like it would eat me alive to feel it all 😵. Why was this happening? (😒 Oh ya, I asked for it!) But how could I have blocked this memory out for sooo long. I have been consciously healing for decades, and I missed this?!
After fully feeling the depth of my most shadow filled emotions and having my most darkest days, I started to feel and experience the gift waiting underneath it all 🤗. I realized that my body had intelligently 🤓 suppressed this memory to protect my body. After years of grounding my body with reiki experiences and tending to my divine feminine essence 👸🏼, I was finally able to process this memory. I also realized that without my intuitive gifts ⚡️ that I have unlocked and developed through the majesty of reiki, I would not have been able to see this cold, truth. Now, all those decades of healing and grounding my nervous system, my guides knew it was time to reveal the next layer. I was ready 🙏🏻.
So here I am in present day, healing with EMDR therapy, nightly reiki experiences, fully feeling my emotions 🤬😭😟 and of course, tending to my diet and lifestyle practices.
I sooo badly want to end this story with a... and then I received my period! Or... and just like that I was healed! But the truth is, I am still healing. I am still feeling and processing this childhood trauma. I am still reparenting my little girl and smothering her with unconditional, nurturing love 💕 and connecting to what truly makes my heart sing 😍.
I actually avoided writing this blog until I had my fairytale ending. But the truth about healing is that it is not linear🙅🏼♀️, it is not clean and cut and it doesn't always end with a romantic kiss 😘 under the perfect moonlight🌚. The truth is that sometimes the present happy ending to your healing journey is realizing you were ready to unveil the next layer.
It is not all doom and gloom over here though. Although I am still healing my body's imbalances, I also have never felt more alive in my body. The lightness I feel from digesting generations of shame is euphoric 🤗. The capacity I have to feel joy feels like I am experiencing it for the very first time. The intuitive messages and psychic gifts that have developed are NEXT LEVEL 👁🛸. There are cracks of light to my devotion to my healing journey.
I share this story to inspire those that are on their healing journey and may feel defeated or like they are doing things wrong. What I wish most for you is to realize that every piece of your healing journey is perfect and exactly what your soul needs. Celebrate every part of your healing journey, because your wild, brave heart made the relentless commitment to shine in your authentic light ✨.
Are you ready to deepen your healing journey and unlock your inner magic with the power of reiki?! I reopened my Reiki Certification Course for 3 more days that teaches you how to become an energy healer ⚡️, activate your intuitive gifts 🔮 and share them brilliantly with the world 🤩. Step into your power as a healer and enroll here. For those who need, there is a payment plan option for you here.
The Divine Feminine Healer