How to Cleanse After Overcoming Perfectionism from an Ayurvedic Practitioner

May 12, 2023

I did my first cleanse almost 8 years ago and can still feel remember the euphoric feeling after 😍. I felt sooo good in my body. For the first time, in a long time, I did not have IBS symptoms of bloating and gas. I had full energy because my digestion was optimized. I desperately wanted nothing more than to continue this feeling so I held on my dear life πŸ˜“ and began to live my life like I was on a cleanse. I avoided gluten, dairy and sugar in the beginning. Then, when I learned Ayurveda, I omitted garlic, onions and nightshades. Then, when I learned about plant based diets, meats followed by fish 🐟.  At one point, I was full vegan, gluten, dairy and sugar free with a list of other ingredients I would run for the hills πŸƒ‍♀️ if I saw it on a label or a menu 😲.

Throughout my healing journey, I have been known to go from one extreme to the next. It partly comes from my devotion to my dharma and partly comes from undigested shame from my childhood wounds and ancestral trauma. This shame wants everything to be perfect and get it just right just like the good girl πŸ‘§πŸ‘§ growing up with a Catholic upbringing or the competitive dancer who strived for the perfect body πŸ’ͺand first place. The same shame that was passed down my ancestral lineage of wanting everything on the outside to seem perfect πŸ‘ŒπŸ‘Œ, at the expense of your own wants and needs.

I like making this distinction between shame and devotion, because enmeshing them together kept me from truly living in alignment with my dharma. Devotion is being in an evolving relationship with your dharma and realizing that your needs and wants will change ✌️. Your consistency to show up everyday in surrender to how your soul purpose appears that day is your devotion. When shame is driving devotion, your actions come from a desire to please someone else's needs and wants at the expense of your own happiness πŸ˜₯. It often comes with the voice of a harsh inner critic 😑.

A lot of times, I see healer's shame driving their devotion, which leaves them wanting to run in the opposite direction of healing sciences like Ayurveda after practicing it until they were blue in the face 😰. They become so rigid in 'following the rules' and trying to get everything right, that it eventually leaves them exhausted and wanting to swing in the opposite direction. At this point in their journey, they finally start to welcome in the voice of compassion and realize just how hard they've been on themselves. They take things gently and decide it is best to let go of the science that caused the harm completely πŸ‘‹πŸ‘‹.

However, what I have realized in my own experience of eventually 'dropping' Ayurveda on my journey and choosing just to listen to my intuition πŸ‘οΈ was that Ayurveda wasn't causing the harm, my own undigested shame was. Because I was holding on to generations and years of shame, I saw another ancient system through this lens. "If I don't practice Ayurveda, perfectly, I must not be practicing it" or "I must be a fraud if I am not doing xyz Ayurvedic rituals on a daily basis". The truth is that Ayurveda is a science that is meant to strengthen your trust in your intuition πŸ˜‡ . It does not shame you for eating this or that or say that there is a right or wrong path. The true wisdom of Ayurveda, I have learned through my own psychic and physical experiences, says that you co-create your ideal diet and lifestyle practices for your unique mind, body and soul with your own direct experiences.

Another way I have experienced this restructuring of a relationship with a system was with my upbringing in Catholicism β›ͺ. After so much harm, guilt and shame passed down from the religion, I wrote off saying the word God, angels, etc. However, when I began to witness the root of my shame, I expanded my perspective on the teachings of Catholicism and reclaimed these words from a more authentic and integrated place. I validated these terms my own experiences and healed my relationship with the system. I know absolutely love my relationship with Jesus, Mother Mary, Mary Magdelene and the archangels πŸ˜‡πŸ˜.

Now where does that leave you with your relationship to food and dare I say...seasonal cleanse? First off, check in with your intuition. If intuitively your body is craving a cleanse, listen to that voice. This may show up as digestive issues, feeling lethargic or heavy πŸ˜’, difficulty sleeping, hormone imbalance πŸ€ͺ, etc. Next, know that there is no right or wrong way to cleanse. This doesn't have to be an extreme form that you practiced in the past. It most certainly does not mean you starve yourself or run your body on juice alone. There are gentle ways to cleanse that allow you to keep practicing compassion πŸ’— on your healing journey, while also getting you the results you need to feel clear and energized. These are the cleanses that I am devoted to in my own practice and sharing with my community. 

On the other hand, if you feel intuitively your body may be asking for a cleanse, but you are resisting cleansing for the shame of your past experiences, there is something to explore here πŸ”Ž. I recommend opening up a dialogue with this shame and letting it speak. What about your past experiences needs to be witnessed still? What about your past experiences are you worried about recreating in the future? Are you willing and curious about what your future experiences might look like without holding on to the weight of this shame? Be here in healing your relationship with shame as long as you need to be.

When you feel clear that dipping your toes back into the world of cleansing 🚿 would be just as refreshing as diving into the deep, blue sea 🌊, give yourself a front row seat for my 5 week cleanse course called I AM CLEAR. I have guided my community through transformational cleanses for the past 5 years from healing chronic conditions like SIBO and digestive distress to healing hormones and having happy, healthy menses. It is one of my favorite experiences to witness, because the transformations are deep, long lasting and empowering as hell.

 In this course, you will be gently guided through an Ayurvedic cleanse to optimize digestion, regulate sleep 😴 and stabilize your energy levels. This cleanse also focuses on the emotional, mental and spiritual body, to heal the root cause of your imbalance and provide long lasting results. I have also intentionally curated this cleanse to be gentle and tailored to fit your unique needs. You may choose which level of intensity for your cleanse. Learn more and receive immediate access here.